Do Not Care

You probably have heard this many times before – so many times that your brain probably does not even process it anymore. But it should! That’s why I chose to dedicate an entire note to repeat that popular self-help advice of how you should practice and master the art of not getting upset about what other people say or think about you. Self-help and motivational speeches and books are definitely overrated and distracting, but this is one concept that comes from self-help industry that is entirely accurate.

As simple as it might sound, it is not easy or simple to just ignore someone, who thinks or says that you’re worth nothing, or everything that you have accomplished so far does not mean anything. If you observe closely, you will see that the chemistry of making you feel bad is a psychological process inside your brain. Therefore, it can only be undone by understanding the psychology of your bully.

When people avoid you, they don’t really avoid you – they avoid your success.

Jealousy is an ancient trait among humans. Wise men suggest that it has historically proven to be the root of many unimaginable horrors that mankind would not be particularly proud of. I am familiar with folklore of the Indian subcontinent since I was born and raised in Bangladesh. One story in particular touched me deeply:

Once upon a time, there lived a king who ruled the whole Indian subcontinent. One day, his son fell sick. The most reputed and reliable of all physicians in the subcontinent were summoned. They all tried their best to cure the prince but they failed. Apparently, they were out of their depth when it came to diagnosing the poor prince. As a result, the physicians could not come up with an effective cure.

After exhausting all options, the king called for a physician from England. The chubby physician came and eventually treated the prince successfully. When the prince was completely out of danger, the king was so pleased with the service of this man that he wanted to reward him with the same amount of gold that the physician himself weighs.

Though the reward could set the physician financially free for the rest of his life, he refused to take the gold and instead asked for a different kind of reward. He requested the king to open the ports for business with his country i.e. England. As we all can understand, this would not benefit him personally but still he chose to serve his own country a great deal instead of only thinking of his personal benefits. The king respected that request and ordered to open the ports for England so that they can do business in the Indian subcontinent.

The reason why I told you the story is to point out to the difference in mentality and intention between the people of the successful first world countries and that of this subcontinent. They thrive to live for a purpose higher than themselves. They progress together. They do not get jealous of their fellow countrymen’s progress and success. That is not the case in our society though.

We are so hopelessly infected with jealousy that we are not even willing to see someone we know personally is getting more success than we are. We get jealous. Worst is that we act upon this jealousy and we do not fall short of trying our best to bring them down until they become failures.

This is sad!

While this is true that we cannot stop others from trying to take us down, we can always choose to ignore them and keep doing what we planned to do. This is the art of not caring about what others think of us, and this is important!

When you get to know and understand that the psychology of the bullies around us is deeply rooted into their own insecurity and jealousy towards other people’s success, you find it much easier to ignore them, when they come to you and try to discourage you using their bitter and negative words. While they might sound like they are giving advice wishing your well-being, you and I would certainly know that it is not the case at all. Everything that they say to keep us from doing what we are trying to do comes directly from their ill intention of seeing us unsuccessful.

If that is the case, ask yourself this, “Why would I want to listen to someone and get discouraged or start having doubt in myself, when I know that their intention is not to do something good but to bring me down?” Yes, you get your answer. When you ask yourself this question enough number of times, you will eventually learn not to care.